Must have a tonne of mechanical issues…… someone’s shot it in frustration already! 
THIS IS WHAT WE HAVE TO LOOK FORWARD TO IN MOVIES.
IF THE GUN LOBBYIST TAKE CONTROL
---------
RANT OVER
MEDS TAKEN
FOUND DUMMY PUT WHISKY ON IT BACK IN MOUTH.
OF TO BREAK SOMETHING IN THE SHED
HAVE A GOOD DAY EVERYONE
After a thorough investigation, a rich gangster finds out that his bookkeeper has cheated him out of 10 million bucks. His bookkeeper is deaf and that was the reason he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that a deaf bookkeeper would not hear anything that he might have to testify about in court.
When the mobster goes to confront the bookkeeper about his missing $10 million, he brings along his attorney, who knows sign language.
The Godfather tells the lawyer ‘Ask him where the $10 million bucks he embezzled from me is’.
The attorney, using sign language, asks the bookkeeper: “Where is the money?”
The bookkeeper signs back: ‘I don’t know what you are talking about’.
The attorney tells the gangster: ‘He says he doesn’t know what you’re talking about’.
The gangster pulls out a pistol, puts it to the bookkeeper’s temple and says, ‘Ask him again!’
The attorney signs to the bookkeeper: ‘He’ll kill you if you don’t tell him!’
The bookkeeper signs back: ‘OK! OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzo’s backyard in Queens!’
The Godfather asks the attorney: ‘Well, what’d he say?’
'He says you don’t have the guts to pull the trigger.
Today I was in a shoe store that sells only shoes, nothing else. A young girl with a tattoo and green hair walked over to me and asked, "What brings you in today, I looked at her and said, “I’m interested in buying a refrigerator.” She didn’t quite know how to respond, had that deer in the headlights look.
I was thinking about old age and decided that old age is when you still have something on the ball, but you are just too tired to bounce it.
When people see a cat’s litter box they always say, “Oh, have you got a cat” I just say, “No, it’s for company!”
Employment application blanks always ask who is to be called in case of an emergency. I think you should write, “An ambulance.”
The older you get the tougher it is to lose weight because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
Have you ever noticed: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are XL.
The sole purpose of a child’s middle name is so he knows when he’s really in trouble.
Did you ever notice that when you put the 2 words “The” and “IRS” together it spells “Theirs”
Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
Some people try to turn back their “odometers.” Not me.
I want people to know why I look this way.
I’ve traveled a long way and a lot of the roads were not paved.
Ah! Being young is beautiful but being old is comfortable.
++++++++++++
1 Like
haha those are good ones 
2 Likes
That first one was a hard burn…… spat out my coffee 
1 Like
haha the tractor ploughing the road up. That shit does happen and wasn’t far from me. Noddy dropped the tandem disc while shifting paddocks. Made a hell of a mess.
1 Like
2 Likes
One for @DocBob reading a 4wd group fella asks if a certain brand straight through exhaust is legal in queensland. This dude replys…
Pissed myself laughing 
A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American lady. Although his english wasnt perfect they got along very well.
One day he rushed to the solicitor’s and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him. The solicitor said that getting a divorce would depend on circumstances and asked him the following questions:
Have u any grounds?
Yes, an acre and a half and a nice little home
No, i mean what is the foundation of this case
It made of concrete
I dont think u understand. Does either of u have a real grudge
No, we have a carport and not need one
I mean what are ur relations like
All my relations are in Poland
Is there any infidelity in ur marriage
We have hi-fidelity stereo and a good DVD player
Does ur wife beat u up
No i always up before her
Is ur wife a nagger
No she white
Why do u want this divorce
She going to kill me
What makes u think that
I got proof
What kind of proof
She going to poison me
She bought a bottle at drug store and put on shelf in bathroom. I can read English well and it say:
.
POLISH REMOVER!
I went for a job at the Australia Post Mail sorting office yesterday,
after the interview I was given a tour of the high~tech depot.
I asked the guy taking the tour “What’s that machine?”
“That’s the Acme 3000 Auto Sorter System, it can sort 150,000h letters an hour and it’s 99.5% accurate. It’s controlled by 12 super computers each one is 5000 times more powerful than an average desktop PC. It has over 15,000 state of the art optical location identification sensors, it contains enough circuit boards to entirely cover the pitch at the new Sydney football stadium and it has 200 miles of fiber optic cable. It cost over $100 million to develop.” He boasted proudly.
“What happens to the letters after it’s finished sorting them?” I asked.
“We give them to a bloke on a motor bike.”
----------
----------
PRENATAL CLASSES FOR EXPECTING FATHER’S
2 Likes