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An Airbus 380 is on its way across the Atlantic.
It flies consistently at 800 km/h at 30,000 feet, when suddenly a Eurofighter with a Tempo Mach 2 appears.
The pilot of the fighter jet slows down,
flies alongside the Airbus and greets the pilot of the passenger plane by radio:
“Airbus, boring flight isn’t it? Now have a look here!”
He rolls his jet on its back, accelerates,
breaks through the sound barrier, rises rapidly to a dizzying height,
and then swoops down almost to sea level in a breathtaking dive.
He loops back next to the Airbus and asks, “Well, how was that?”
The Airbus pilot answers: “Very impressive, but watch this!”
The jet pilot watches the Airbus, but nothing happens.
It continues to fly straight, at the same speed.
After 15 minutes, the Airbus pilot radios, "Well, how was that?
Confused, the jet pilot asks, “What did you do?”
The AirBus pilot laughs and says,
"I got up, stretched my legs, walked to the back of the aircraft to use the washroom,
then got a cup of coffee and a chocolate fudge pastry.
The moral of the story is:
When you’re young, speed and adrenaline seems to be great.
But as you get older and wiser, you learn that comfort and peace are more important.
This is called S.O.S.:
Slower, Older and Smarter.
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Dave and Pete were a couple of drinking buddies who worked as aircraft engineers in Darwin, Australia .
One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do.
Dave said, ‘Man, I wish we had something to drink!’
Pete says, 'Me too. Y’know, I’ve heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz.
You wanna try it?’
So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane booze and get completely smashed.
The next morning Dave wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels.
In fact he feels GREAT! NO hangover! NO bad side effects.
Nothing!
Then the phone rings. It’s Pete.
Pete says, ‘Hey, how do you feel this morning?’
Dave says, ‘I feel great, how about you?’
Pete says, ‘I feel great, too. You don’t have a hangover?’
Dave says, ‘No that jet fuel is great stuff – no hangover, nothing. We ought to do this more often…’
’ Yeah, well there’s just one thing.’
‘What’s that?’
‘Have you farted yet?’
‘No.’
'Well, DON’T - 'cause I’m in New Zealand
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CAR HUMOUR
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One of the members of a Beenleigh based hot rod club was going to build a rat-rod using a sectioned and widened Smart powered by a front mounted Harley motor. The ASRF got wind of it and had the regs for a hot rod changed to eliminate 2 cylinder engines and bodies later than 1939
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I HAVE JUST MADE THIS INTO A POSTER TO PUT ABOVE MY WORK BENCH
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How to clean your cat and the toilet, at the same time -
- Put both lids of the toilet up, and add 1/8th cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.
- Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him to the bathroom.
- In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close the lid. You may need to stand on the lid.
- At this point, the cat will self-agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises coming from the toilet - the cat is actually enjoying this!
- Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a “power wash” and a “rinse”.
- Have someone open the front door of your house. Make sure there are no people between the bathroom door and the front door.
- Stand well back, behind the toilet if you can, and quickly lift the lid.
- The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off.
- Both the toilet and the cat will now be sparkling clean.
Yours Sincerely,
THE DOG 
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Primary school teacher - “Johnny, everyday for the last 6 months you brought in a little bag of chocolate raisins for me. They were delicious, but now you don’t bring them in anymore, why is that?”
Johnny “My rabbit died.”
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This at my local shops yesterday.
Just had to take a happy snap!
Got a good laugh outta this too.
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