A blonde goes to a green grocer to buy some vegetables. After searching the store she’s surprised to find no broccoli. She spies the owner of the store stacking up potatos in a tub.
“Excuse me, but where will I find your broccoli?” she asks the owner.
“We’re fresh out of broccoli, madam… I’m sorry.” he replies “We’ll have a new batch in tomorrow.”
The blonde walks away bewildered, only to return a few minutes later to ask “I can’t find any broccoli… do you have any?”
The owner rolls his eyes and tells her again he has no broccoli and to return tomorrow after his regular morning delivery of vegetables.
A few minutes later the blonde’s back in his grill, asking aggressively “Where’s the broccoli? I’ve looked everywhere and can’t find it!”
Fed up, the owner replies "Look, lady… indulge me here. Can you spell “CAT”? As in “catastrophe?”
“Sure,” replies the blonde. “C-A-T”
“Great!” says the owner. "Now can you spell “DOG” as in “dogmatic”?
“D-O-G” replies the blonde angrily. “But why are you giving me a spelling test? All I want is some broccoli!”
The owner looks at the woman and says "Now I want you to spell “FUCK” as in "broccoli’
The woman replies “That’s ridiculous… there’s no ‘FUCK’ in ‘broccoli’!”
The owner snaps and screams at the blonde “THAT’S WHAT I’VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU FOR FIFTEEN MINUTES, LADY!”
Boom-tish!
An old one not sure if you guys have heard it before:
A man walks into a nice restaurant, sits down, and orders a bowl of soup. The waiter comes over with the soup and a spoon. The man starts happily sipping his soup, when he accidentally drops his spoon on the floor. The waiter standing next to him, immediately pulls out a spoon from his pocket and hands it to the man. The man thanks the waiter and continues slurping his soup. After a bit of observation, the man soon sees that all the waiters have spoons in their pockets. The man asks:
“Excuse me, but I couldn’t help but notice that all the waiters here seem to have spoons in their pockets.”
The waiter replies:
“An astute observation sir, yes indeed, you see, the restaurant did some research and found that 40% of our patrons drop their spoons while having soup. Thus, for quicker service, each waiter is required to keep spoons in their pockets to hand to our diners just in case.”
“Ah…” the man says and continues drinking his soup. The man then also starts to notice, a piece of string hanging from the pants zipper of all the waiters and asks what that is about.
“Well sir, the restaurant did another investigation and found out that we could increase our efficiency by tying a piece of string around our penises so that when we go to the loo, we simply pull on the string, do our business and then don’t need to wash our hands anymore, cutting our restroom breaks almost in half!”
“Ah… yes…” the man says, a little shaken, but continues with his soup, almost finished now. Suddenly the man gets a thought and asks:
“So you pull the string to get it out, but how do you get it back in your pants?”
The waiter answers in a very proud fashion:
“Well I’m not sure about the others but I just use the spoon.”